It takes me a lot
to think about, it takes places to imagine.
I don’t know what
am I going to post, but as of the recent, I realize that I have learn a lot
about myself, people, life and the roughness of it. While they may see me as
someone naïve and innocent, there comes a time I can kick ass, push boundaries
and create fireworks. Lately, I was trying my best to impress somebody but it
turns out it was making me more and more intrigue to fall in love. Yes, it is
creepy. Why can this happen to me? Maybe I am currently going through a phase
of my own discovery and realize that I am happier than before. Especially when
I start thinking about the people that I would like to stay in my life. I am
not craving for attention to be spotted or the most noticeable among the batch mates.
Naan, fcuk that. I’m honestly coming clean, it doesn’t matter to me anymore.
Sometimes, I was wondering if I can be 100% goodie 2 shoes to everyone. It
never works, because you will hurt yourself more and allow others to feel good
all the time while you feel like rubbish in the green bin. Honestly, I would
prefer being the recycled items in three separate colours of recycle bins.
Okay, back to the
moment that I am dying to write.
Today I met **her
at Esmail and I melted once again. I feel like fireworks were all over my head and
that special effects from Snapchat was an indication of how I felt when I saw
**her. Oh my goodness, I am so unaware of myself now and that I keep looking at
**her all the time. Sometimes, I enjoy stalking **her on Facebook and then get
melted after viewing the pictures. You that feeling when an ice cube is on a
flat surfaced under hot temperature, then it melts into liquid. Yes, exactly I felt
like that today. If this is continuously happening, I suppose it is time I
burst into smaller chunks of Philips and find the emotions like the ones in “Inside
Out”.
By the way, I don’t
know why but I felt overshadowed by that one fella. I felt like when I lepak,
borak or maybe in a gang, it feels like I became this moon that produces
shadows at night. Yes, indeed it felt like I was emitting light rays to others
without having the need to understand myself better. I suppose, university life
is like that. It never goes on a good notes. All notes are there. So, I can
only say is that I don’t want to bother, care or concern anymore. Yet again, it
seems like it has become my role to be an individual like that. The question
is, what about me? My self-worth, my goodness, my talents, my capabilities, my
abilities and my professionalism. It seems like I have to learn to be the best
among the best. If only, I am able to understand the meaning of this
ever-changing journey that will keep coming my way.
These shadows come
day and night,
Shining through
many other paths,
Forgetting the
meaning and beating the purposes,
The again, what is
the motive of this writing?
P/S: Don’t worry.
If you are reading this, know that I am writing this from the core of my heart
and my disturb emotions that have left a dark spot in my soul. I am trying to
relinquish this spot by expressing here because literature is an expression of
art. Let me express it before I end up being a bulletproof material with a
bullet of its own. Peace and keep loving yourself and of course, accept
yourself. You are born this way. Love and No Hate.
4.15AM
2 / 6 / 2016
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